an old conversation from the beach at high school

B: Do you want to know, a tip?
A: YES, oh mah gawd.
B: When you put baby powder on your feet before coming to the beach, the sand comes right off!
A. Noway, that is a good tip.

between a newly re-organized teenager and a ranting and raving mother of one

M "yah so you can just give her my cell number.....ya and she can just call me. maybe we can go get coffee...i can tell her alot of stuff about Nick. cause i was around all of the time for the last two years you know...before he-

N "yah, yah,"

M" yah, you know, i saw Jess the other day and she was all like " Monie, i havent seen you in a while" you know, shes like 5 and shes all thinking wait a minute...i havent seen her in a while.

N "yah..."

M "those kids they say the cutest things, i swear to god. When Nick was still alive Jess used to say "Monie, why couldnt daddy have found you first ? why did he have to marry mommy?" (laughs short and hard)  I was like JESS! im his SISTER! (laughs again) and they were all like "no youre not" I mean they thought i was their mom you know? cause i was always goin' everywhere with them and takin' care of them with Nick"

N " (laughs) thats funny"

M "yah"

N (silence)

M (silence)

N " Well Nate! youre just the cutest little thing... 've been through everything, military school, half way house, colorado, kansas, montanna"

N (sarcastic but friendly smile) "Yep! pretty crazy..."

M " i call you the coffee drinker, my friends at work, they dont even know you but they call you the coffe drinker because i told them how you used to drink coffee when you were so little. My friend Vernell, she goes "Monie, hes too smart for that family , hell be fine. Everything will be fine because hes too smart"....ha ha thats funny...the coffee drinker

N " oh man!"

M"i think im gunna go to kaiser and see if theres some other reason why im loosing all this weight. i mean NATE! im not- annerixic!- well i know im not because i love to eat and i drink a lot of dr pepper! god im the same size i was in high school (puts finger over scarred mouth and looks off into space) yah, im the SAME size i was in high scool. Its because i dont have a butt. i swear try finding pants when you dont have a butt. its terrible. of course youre goin "oh god" because youre a guy, you dont care. uh huh hu (laughs) right? hes goin "ok aunt monie im a GUY, HUH-low!" oh nate, youre so cute..."

N " yah, i dont really care about clothes"

M "yah..."

N " well... i better head out, my mom wants to do a few things with the car"

M " what car are they going to have you drive up there in montanna??"

N ( smiles slyly)

M "bmw?"

N "yah" (laughs silently)

M (laughs) " oh nate...theyve got you spoiled up there in the mountains...well i guess well do the dr pepper thing some other time, so i dont have to drive up to target...and m and ms. well have a regular old dr pepper party..."

N " sounds good!"

a small justice at videogame shop

"So I was calling to speak with a manager about employment"

"Well, I'm the manager, and I'm not hiring."

"Ok fine, well There is sommething else."

"What?"

"I came in with my little brother and bought a video game that said new and was used, i was wondering if i should tell my friends not to shop at your store or if you will resolve it."

"You can bring it into any game Stop if you have the receioit."

"Well ok."

"Hey I brought this game in that turned out to be used."

"What happens is that we put a new game into a used case."

"Oh really, because this game said that it was used and didnt come with an instruction book, and the employee even charged me for a used game when i asked for a enw one."

Other guy:  "That is unlikely, you see what happens is that games get mislabeled and this one happened to be mislabeled so you must have damaged it when you were playing it."

"No, I didn't.  And I talked to the Manager."

Other guy: "Seeya have a nice day, check out that video game Condemned."

"No, I bought Bio-shock, where you have to evolve yourself because of all the sceintifc experiments?"

Other guy: "Later."

Cashier, really nervous. "I-I can call the other store to see if they have the game in stock, all we have is this used coppy."

"Please do and give me back cash."

"I'll need to see your ID."

"Ok"  (ID Outdated, so w ho cares) "Thank you for your understanding, you know what happens sometimes is that employees will play the games and damage them and they dont want the manager to know so it is good we caught this before the manager found out about it because that could have gotten really out of hand.  What's your name again?"

Cashier:  Thank you, have a day."

BETWEEN A BLODNE WAITRESS AND A HOSTESS AT ON A SUNNY WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON

A "so i think youll be proud of me"

B "oh yes? and how?"

A" tomorrow is phillip's last day of school...and im letting him walk to Mc Donalds with his friends"

B "ANN! i cant beleive you! this is a big frickin deal" 

A"i know, i figured id let him since its a big deal that hes graduationg 8th grade and all"

B"do you know his friends? because i know how you are with-"

A"Yes i know THIS friend...his friend is very nice actually...you know its a special treat

B"well he IS in Jr high now..."

A"common! we live in holly glenn! im not going to let a 13 year old walk to mcdonalds in the ghetto! with some kid i hardly know!

B (laughs) "dood, ann, youre such an gnarly mom...and holly glenn SOOO isnt the ghetto!!!"

A (interrupts)" This isnt manhattan beach here you know!

phillips a good kid though. the other day he said "mom, i lied about something.." and i said, oh yah? whats that? Then he looked at me and said "  you know how emily has been coming over alot to help me with my science  class? well, shes actually not really helping me...shes my girlfriend." I said PHILLIP! no wonder shes been calling alot. I mean the girl calls like ten times a day!

B "phillip! what a little stud! hes so frickin cute... ann what are you going to do?"

A "well you know at his parent teacher conference his teacher told me ALL the little girls love phillip. i said REALLY? i thought he was kinda nerdy, an mrs thompson said "No! ALL the girls want to hang out with phillip. 

B "so tomorrow then, youre gunna send him and his girlfriend to mcdonalds? all the way town rosencrans! thats wild"

A"ya i should probably give him a few bucks...dont you think? so he can buy his girlfriend some french fries"

ROAD TRIP AUGUST 19

AMERICAN GYPSIES

BREAK OUT OR DIE!